My Bloody Problem
by JustLetMePerfectIt
Summary: Have you ever felt like your responsible for something? And no matter what you do to try and convience yourself that your not.. you just can't shift the feeling? Chapter 5 up! JD/Cox Warning JDA
1. My Mysterious Patient

**Hey, Sorry I have been lazy and not put much up recently, but all my fave old fics have been continuing (like "My Other Half" and "My Trigger") all of a sudden and I have been busy reading them...**

**Okay anyways this Fic is very AU and it's a bit far fetched. (don't like don't read)**

**Also will contain Slash of the JD/Cox typness (again don't like don't read.)**

**BTW this fic was created during one listening of "What I've done" by Linkin Park.. I was amazed!**

**No Jack or Sam in this fic, Turk and Carla are married and JD has moved out the apartment.**

**I own nothing in thsi fic apart from Mr Macard. (Credit to one of my best mates, Berri for the name- this chapter is dedicated to her.)**

_JDs "thoughts"_

Normal POV

"Talking"

My Bloody Problem - My Mysterious Patient

_When you work in a Hospital, you are gurranteed to get at least one weird or creepy patient a week, but because I worked wi.. for Dr Cox, I always seemed to get more of them than the "average" doctor at Sacred Heart. Everytimeyou get a really creepy patient, you think "They can't get worse than this".. but unfortunantly.... the next one always is,especially in my case...._

JD sighed, in 2 minutes his double shift would offically end, but he wouldn't be leaving. _"Dr Cox made sure of that!"_. It was so typical, as soon as he had been about to go to get ready to leave, Dr Cox had walked by him and just thrust a chart into his hands.

_Thats the problem with working here, when your shift starts, your never really sure when it is going to end._

JD stopped outside his new patients room and looked at the chart in his hands. _"Mr Macard... never heard of that name before.. kinda sounds like "my card"..." _He looked through it some more and his heart dropped when he saw what Mr Macard's occupation was. Hypnotists tend to be very creepy. _"And I don't want to be near some mind controllign..." _

His depsair grew as he read through more of the chart, there had been a load of tests done, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong with this guy and if there was nothing wrong with him, why was he there?

JD walked into the patients room and froze, he was right, this guy was creepy.

The man on the bed was middle aged, with bits of silver streaking through his midnight black hair, there was an eery feeling surrounding him, but it was the eyes that did it for JD. The dark grey, orbs bore into him and it was pretty un-nerving.

"Good evening Mr Macard, I'm Dr...."

"Dorian."

JD jumped when he heard the raspy voice and his eyes widened. _"How did he know that!?!"_

The young doctor then noticed that Macard was looking at his chest, JD followed his line of sight and saw.... his name badge. JD blushed, _"Well that explains that."_

He giggled nervously and his patient just rolled his eyes.

"So... Mr Macard, I have looked through your chart and test results and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with you."

Mr Macard just nodded, JD was a bit surprised that the guy didn't seem the least bit shocked that there was nothing wrong with him. "_Ok, this is messed up, if he feels fine why is he here!"_JD glanced him and he stared back..with his blank, grey eyes... he felt weird and slightly dizzy, it was like there was a conncection being formed between them or something. JD shuddered and looked away.

"Look, I don't mean to sound rude, but why...."

Mr Macard sat up in his bed so suddenly, that JD gave a small yelp of surprise. He stared into JD's eyes and slowly got up from the bed. JD wanted to move away from the bed, or run out the room screaming, but the weird feeling was back and he couldn't move.

He was getting closer and before JD had a chance to react, he reached over and placed a hand over his mouth. JD's widened in pure panic.

But.. when Mr Macard looked into his eyes while rubbing the back of JD's neck.. he began to feel an over whelming drowziness.

JD tried to resist but it was becoming persistantly harder.

Mr Macard leaned towards him and murmered "Sleep" and JD knew no more.

----------------

"Newbie?"

"Newbie!"

"Come on Sleeping Beauty, time to awaken and I am NOT kissing you, but don't worry Snow White one day your prince will come."

_"Aaha! Dr Cox DID like Disney!"_

JD groaned and opened his eyes, Dr Cox was kneeling over him, looking half smug and half confused.

JD sat up and noticed a certain person was missing...

"Wheres Mr Macard?"

Dr Cox frowned, " No idea Newbie, We tried to stop him when he ran from the room, but... so anyway Newbie, what the hell happened? Did you swoon under the pressure of being a half decent doctor? or was it because Avon ran out of your favourite lipstick that you just can not live without?"

The younger doctor frowned, the last thing he remembered was looking at Mr Macard in the bed... _"Oh God what happened?"_

He felt pretty drowzy and was beginning to find it hard to concentrate on Perry's blurry figure.

"Oi, Brooke? You still with me?"

Dr Cox was staring at him, JD blushed when he realised he hadn't answered him yet.

"Sorry, I just..."

"Save it Brogan! Go home and get some rest..."

_"Wow, the man does care... I KNEW IT!"_

"And before you start to think I'm sending you home becuase I ac-t-u-hally care, its because I don't want the fact that you haven't had your beauty sleep yet, to kill people. So, if your not gone in 5 minutes, you will pay hell for it."

JD was actually pretty grateful towards Perry at that moment, but it did kinda burn that he seemed simply not to care.

He walked outside and sighed, he loved riding Sasha, but he was just too tired.

_"Looks like I'm gonna be taking the bus home.."_

But then... his saviour arrived...

"Hey dude, do you want a lift?"

_"This is one of the reasons I call him super chocolate bear..."_

_-Turk is wearing a tight green uniform with the letters SCB printed on the breast-_

"Thanks ma brotha"

Turk grinned at his geeky friend, "Dude be whiter"

JD had almost fell asleep by the time they reached JD's apartment. He just wanted to crawl into bed with his clothes on, he was so tired.

---------------

Kevin Macard grinned to himself, Dr Dorian was perfect.

He had an open mind that was easy to control.

He was also so innocent and child like and kind, no one would ever suspect him.

The plan was perfect.

He would get revenge on everyone who ever teased him or made fun of him as a kid. They would all pay for calling him a loser and beating him up.

The only person who could be a problem was that other doctor..Cox. He had almost been caught by him, he hung around Dorian quite a lot, that could be a minor problem.

But,he would be gone soon enough....

But before that, it was time to try his new toy out...

---------------

Thank god Dr Cox had made him go home, he couldn't remember ever feeling this tired.

He was just about to go to bed when ...

_"Dammit! _

.... the phone rang.

He stumbled over to the phone and groggily answered it.

"Hello?"

JD could hear heavy breathing on the other end of the line, but there was no answer.

He was about to hang up when he heard a snap of fingers and... a voice

"Stuart Nizbit...."

The strange feeling was back, he felt his body go limp and he knew no more....

**TBC ... This Fic will get better as it goes along, I love the idea for this one.**

**Review if you have the time please. The soundtrack for this fic is Linkin Park - What I've done, Over My Head - A Day To Remeber, The Last Night - Skillet, Linkin Park - Numb, This Love- Maroon 5**


	2. My Shock

**Hey, Thanks to everyone who reviewed (I have school tommorow and no time for shout outs sorry next time though I promise)**

**Thanks to Brogan for Dawns name :)**

**This one is for her, and also thanks to Brooke who got to write this..chapter 2 was hard.. I had no real plan for it.. it was just sorta there.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything apart from Dawn and Mr Macard**

My Bloody Problem - My Shock

_Lets face it, most days start like any other, but some days are different. Like this morning, I woke up lying in on the middle of the living room floor with my clothes and shoes still on. But I suppose exhaustion does that to you. Oh and on the subject of what exhaustion does to you..._

"Bambi! Where have you been?! Your an hour late!"

JD grinned sheepishly, " I was totally wiped out after my shift and after that whole Mr Macard thing, I was totally exhausted."

Carla furrowed her brow and studied JD carefully, "Well the lie in doesn't seem to have helped, you look awful JD."

_I didn't think I looked too bad when I checked the mirror,but if I agree with her she might get off my back._

"Yeah.. its just cause I'm tired, nothing to worry about."

"Okay Bambi, but if you need..."

JD looked behind her and saw Dr Cox approaching. Considering he was an hour late, he didn't think Dr Cox would be to happy with him and if he went now Dr Cox wouldn't see or even more importantly kill him.

"Listen Carla, I um.. have to go."

With that he sprinted away in the opposite direction of Dr Cox. Carla watched him go all the while shaking her head, sometimes she worried about that guy.

"Carla, You seen Carly today? Her shift started an hour ago."

A knowing grin passed over the nurses face, she knew that he cared for JD, whether he would admit it or not and the whole anger thing was really a cover up. It was so typically male.

"Bambi just left to go do rounds."

She almost laughed at the flash of relief that passed on the doctors face. Dr Cox on the other hand just growled, "If you see her, tell her she is in re-he-lly big trouble."

The room seemed to shaked as he stomped away to go see to his patients, (all the while keeping an eye out for JD)

_Whenever you try to avoid someone, they always seem to appear every were you go and the problem is, in Sacred Heart there aren't any really good hiding places..._

- JD is trying to shove himself behind a vending machine-

-JD is hiding behind the Janitor, who turns around and glares at him-

-JD is standing in the middle of the hallway with his hands over his eyes-

"...If I can't see you, you can't see me."

"Dude, If that didn't work when you were 6, what makes you think it's going to work now?"

JD uncovered his eyes and saw Turk standing in front of him looking half amused, half slightly worried for his friends sanity. The hallway was fairly empty apart from him, Turk and about 4 other random people.

"Its worth a try CB... by the way, have you seen Dr Cox?"

The hallway seemed silent as Turk paused to think about it, "No, but I can find him,if your looking for him..."

"NOO!"

The already silent hallway went even more silent and JD blushed as he realised everyone in the hallway was staring at him.

_Wow..this is embarrassing_

"What I meant was.. um no, I'm doing the exact opposite actually."

It all seem to click in Turks head and he nodded knowingly, " No problem, so if he asks, I haven't seen you...

JD smiled, he knew he could count on SCB.

-10 Minutes Later-

_Me and Turk are really close. We do almost everything together, we even play pranks on each other. Thats why I should of thought before giving Turk ammunition to totally ruin my day..._

JD had saw Dr Cox coming and had vaulted over the nurses station and ducked. A shrill whistle pierced through the air.

"Gandhi, You seen Lauren?"

"Yep, he's behind the counter."

_Dammit! TRAITOR!_

Immediately JD bounced up and held his pen up.

"Sorry about that.. I Had.. um.. dropped my pen?"

_Dammit that was a statement not a question._

"Sure you did Breakfast at Tiffany's, now would mind telling me were you have been for the past few hours? Cause I'm just bursting to know."

_Aah the sarcastic tone, one of the many things I love about Dr Perry Cox..._

"I was just... checking up on my patients."

"Newbie, It's obvious you are lying to me, and quite honestly I couldn't care less what you were doing. You have a new patient." He thrust a clipboard into JD's hand. " Dawn Hathaway, 16, in for suspected attempted suicide .. I thought you should handle it. Since you were once a teenage girl and you understand her problems."

The younger man rolled his eyes but went to the room anyway. When he went in he was shocked, self harming patients were steryotyped to have short black hair, pale skin and heavy make up, but Dawn looked like a "normal" teenage girl.

Average height, dirty blonde hair, dark brown eyes. She also smiled as he walked into the room.

"Hi, I'm Dr Dorian, I will be your um.... doctor."

She smiled, "Hey, I'm Dawn, I will be your patient."

He laughed, _Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought._

"So Dawn, the bleeding has seemed to have stopped, but we are going to keep you here for a couple of days for observation...you lost a lot of blood."

Dawn nodded still smiling.

"If you don't mind me asking, why..."

"Did I do it?" JD nodded. " I don't know.. every things just been building up, my parents keep arguing, my boyfriend was cheating on me, I'm hated at school, I'm failing at school... I didn't mean to cut so deep.."

The girl was now openly sobbing, JD sat on the edge of her bed and wrapped an arm around her.

_Every now and then you get a patient that you take a liking to and you make an extra effort with them, really I'm no shrink, but I think it helped that someone was just listening to her._

_-------_

As JD walked out the room he smiled, Dawn would get better, it was nice to know that he was really helping someone.

Even better he was off shift in two minutes and he and Turk were going to a bar and today he wasn't going to get stopped by Dr Cox.

_Uh Oh..that could all change_

Dr Cox was coming towards him, but then he felt someone lift him up and run out the hallway, towards the enterance door.

"I owe you Brown Bear..."

"No problem, we never get to hang out.. I'm not going to let him ruin it."

When they reached Turks car, he placed JD down and grinned.

"Dude I can't believe we actually got away!"

JD grinned back at him, "Let's go before some else comes to stop us..."

_...It's times like this that I hear "Get away" music playing in my head._

They climbed into the car and drove away from the hell called Sacred Heart.

------

_The best thing about the bar me and chocolate bear go to isn't the drinks,it isn't even the atmosphere.. its the large screen TV! I would kill for one of those!_

After both the men had gotten their drinks they sat down near the television, the news was on...

**" Just in.. The body of Stuart Nizbit, a 24 year old student, was found to be stabbed 4 times in his apartment (1)**

A picture was shown of the location and Turk gasped, "OMG, that's just down the street!"

JD had the feeling he knew the boy from somewere... he just couldn't think where...

**If anyone has any information on this murder please contact the police immediately...**

JD turned away from the TV, "Come on CB, Lets go, I don't feel safe with a killer on the loose.."

Turk nodded and they both left the bar, he dropped JD off and left to go and see Carla back at the hospital.

--------

_I wish I knew were I heard Stuart Nizbit before..._

It was scary to know there was a killer so close to them, nothing like this usually happened around here..

JD jumped when he heard the phone ring, but he went to answer it anyway.

"Hello?"

He heard a snap off fingers and a voice say "Cameron Daniels"

..And he knew no more.....

------

Macard smiled... It worked ... This was going to be fun!

* * *

**TBC (1)Sacred Hearts location in Scrubs is never mentioned so I had no location... **

**Will continue ASAP if ppl review ;)**

**Hope you enjoyed **


	3. My Hoody

**AN- Hey this is re-he-lly late and I apologise for that. School has just been mental! So because I left you all waiting I made this chapter extra long and I shall do a shout out corner.**

**Gracie Grapefruit - Thankies for reviewing twice. Yeah I think pretty much all my fics are gonna be slash seeing as I love it so much! ...Hypnosis scares me, It's freaky to know someone can control your mind. Thanks again.**

**Kim Briggs - Sorry if I'm slow on updating, I will try my best though. Thanks very much for reviewing!**

**Sacred Fart - ...interesting name -giggles- yeah I noticed that I had done that when you had mentioned it. I changed it though, thanks very much, your review helped a lot!**

**Jean Kitsune - Sorry to confuse you, but a bit of confusion never hurt anybody ;) Thanks for reviewing.**

**TolietFacilty - Hey thanks for the review, hope you continue to enjoy the story :D**

**x0Rose-Hime0x - HEY!!! Thanks for reviewing! ... I'm probably going to keep asking you for help on names and stuff... hope you don't mind ;) **

**Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed so far, this chapter goes out to all of you!**

Normal

_JD's thoughts_

_Dream _

**Disclaimer - I don't own Scrubs, but I am working on it ;)**

_Have you ever jerked awake? I did that this morning. I also found myself lying in the middle of the living room floor again, but this time I totally freaked out, but not due to the fact that I ws lying here again (It was pretty comfy actually), but because my hoody was lying next to may sound odd that I was freaked out due to a hooded sweater,in fact I wasn't, until I saw blood on it...._

Not a drop of blood could be found anywere else in JD's apartment, no matter how hard he searched. It was around about 6;30am so he had about an hour and a half before his shift began...enough time time to go to Turk and Carla's so he could ask Turk if anything had happened last night after they had left the bar

That was another thing, he couldn't really remember what had happened after they had watched the news on the big TV.

_Probably had one too many appletinis..._

JD still had the key to his old apartment, but since it was early in the morning, he thought it was probably best to knock anyway.

"JD? What are you doing here?"

"Hey Carla, I came because I really need to talk to Turk..."

"Did you lose Rowdy again?

JD shook his head and Carla nodded, "OK, come in."

The apartment looked pretty much the same from when he lived there, there was just more Carlaness.

_"Carlaness"... what a cool word. I should use it more often._

"Hey Vanilla Bear! What's up?"

"Hey Turk, listen what happ...."

"Dude! What happened to your arm!"

_Huh?_

JD looked down at his long sleeve and saw that the blue had gone pink around his arm. He took his top of and saw a long cut, running from his elbow to his wrist.

Well that explained the blood, he must of taken the hoody off last night.

_I must of cut myself on the door handle again... Oh well at least it's not as deep as last time. How the hell didn't I notice that!?!_

"Oh..um"

"That looks nasty Bambi."

Carla walked into the room, her eyes fixed on JD's arm, a concerned look was plastered on her face.

JD waved her off however, "It's nothing, I just caught it on the door again."

_I should really get a safer door._

"Brown bear, how much did I drink last night?"

Turk frowned, "Not much, we left after the news report, remember?"

JD shrugged it off. At least he now knew were the blood came from, he probably just drank more when he was back at his apartment and then he must of fallen over and cut his arm on the door.

_Actually, I better go to work early and get this bandaged..._

--- Half an hour later ---

JD was walking down the corridor to the nurses station, Turk had driven him as now that he had noticed his arm, it hurt like hell. He winced as his top stuck to the cut then pulled away again as he moved. He felt stupid for not taking up Turks offer and borrowing one of his vest tops. But the thing is, Turks vest tops just didn't feel right on him, but the arms...

"Aah Jessica, decided to crawl back after that stunt you pulled yesterday, well I would watch my back if I were you India, if you mess up, even once, I'm gonna hit ya hard and I'm gonna hit ya fast."

_Damn, forgot about Turk "kidnapping" me yesterday..._

Dr Cox frowned as he noticd JD's bloody sleeve , "I know you had an emotional night, what with finally being with your black girlfriend again, but you didn't have to go slit your wrists Jemima."

JD had forgotten about the cut and blushed, "Well you see I..."

_Darn that evil door handle_

-_A door handle is chasing after JD, they run through corridors in Sacred heart, they run out the doors and down a street, they keeping on running out of town_-

"...It would do wonders for my physique"

He felt a strong arm grip his and pull him towards a spare examination room.

"God sake Newbie, your worse than a toddler."

JD watched as the older doctor bandaged his arm, with surprising gentleness. He blushed when he realised he was enjoying the older mans soft hands on him too much...

_Holy Crap! I have a full blown man crush on Dr Cox!_

He pulled his arm away from Dr Cox and blushed bright red. That may have been a mistake however, as soon ad JD had snatched his arm away, Dr Cox's eyes narrowed and his jaw twitched.

"Newbie! For fucks sake! You know what, get one of your girlfriends to help you, its obvious you don't want my help.",with that, he stormed away and left JD wondering what the hell had just happened.

The room was pretty silent and it was kinda freaking him out, so JD finished wrapping up his arm went to his locker and got a new scrubs top and walked out to see his first patient.

"How are you today Dawn?"

Dawn looked at lot better from when she did yesterday, in fact she looked pretty bored. A couple of books were placed on her bedside table, but from his angle JD couldn't see the titles. She looked up and smiled when he had made his presence known.

"I'm not bad, mom came to visit, apparently I'm going to have to see a shrink...but it's all good."

JD smiled, he liked it when he got a patient who actually wanted to take positive steps to get better, it was a nice change from the typical "depressed" patients. She seemed to be a really strong person and he had no doubts at all that she would recover fully.

-----------------

_With all the excitement this morning I hadn't noticed I was half way to collapsing with exhaustion. I am only half way through my shift and_ _feel like I could pass out at any moment and I really don't want to give Dr Cox and excuse to tear me a knew one. He was already mad at me AND I had already gotten sent home early because I was tired, I can't really get away with it a second time._

With a sigh, JD leaned against the busy nurses counter and tried to keep his eyes from drooping closed. He had no idea why he was tired, apparently he and Turk had gotten back pretty early, and he didn't get up too early this morning.

"Hey JD, Are you okay?"

JD straightened up and smiled and the blonde woman in front of him, "Just a bit tired."

Elliot nodded, "I heard Cox is on a rampage, so watch out."

_No need for the warning Elliot, I think I'm the one who caused the rampage._

"Thanks for the warning Elliot."

JD lazily grabbed a chart and tried to study it, but it was useless, he was just too tired. The words seemed to blur together and he couldn't concentrate on them. He gave up when he discovered he had been reading the same sentence five times and slumped back down against the counter.

"JD, go get some sleep, I will cover for you."

His head snapped up and he blushed when he realised that Elliot had never left and she had been there the entire time. "Its fine you don't nee.."

"Go! Your going to set Dr Cox off again if you keeping nodding off like that."

In defeat, JD simply nodded smiled at her and went to the on call room. He lay down on the bed closest to the door and he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

_JD was walking through down a dark street, the only light was the moon that was poking behind dark clouds._

_He was experiencing an odd sensation, he could see, he could feel the wind on his face and he could feel his legs ache as he walked, but he had no control over his body. It just kept moving without his permission to a unknown destination._

_He felt himself stop at an apartment door, it wasn't the nicest area, actually it looked kind of like where he lived. It must be close to his house then..._

_He was extremely confused as to why he was going into the apartment, he didn't mind the fact that he couldn't control his body, it was actually kind of relaxing. His mind was warm and fuzzy and he didn't really care about what was going on._

_He saw a door in front of him, he was getting kind of curious, with strength he didn't know he had, he felt himself kick the door down._

_There was a man, his figure was kind of blurry. He couldn't make out what the man was saying, but he felt his body go towards him and he was mildly surprised when he felt himself kick the man._

_He felt his hand reach into his pocket and pull out a knife. Alarm bells started to go off in JD's mind._

_"NO!"_

_His mind was screaming as his body went towards the now whimpering man._

_"STOP!"_

"Newbie?"

_As he got closer to the man on the floor, he began to notice some of his features. He had dark and hair and he was slightly over weight. He looked quiet young, in his early twenties._

_He felt himself kick the young man again_

_"PLEASE STOP!"_

"Newbie! Stop your going to hurt yourself! Wake up!"

_His mind struggled and desperately tried to gain control over his body, but it was a pointless war. He felt himself raise the knife over the man and he heard the him beg for mercy._

_"I'M NOT A KILLER! STOP!"_

"WAKE UP JD!"

JD jerked awake and saw Dr Cox shaking him. He sat up, eyes wide. They both sat and stared at each other, both trying to catch their breath. Dr Cox was the first to speak.

"Jesus Newbie, That musta been some dream."

Dr Cox had been looking for JD, hoping to tease him and get rid of some of his anger and he had frightened Barbie into telling him where he was. When he had stepped into the room, he had forgotten about all his anger and had rushed over to JD. Newbie had been thrashing about in his sleep and murmuring words occasionally. Perry knew he had to wake JD before he seriously hurt himself. If he was being honest, he was kind of worried about Newbie.

JD was shaking.

_Holy frickkkk No more scary movies for me!_

"S..sorry, Dr Cox."

"For what Jodie? Having a nightmare?"

The room remained silent as JD tried to get his bearings, Dr Cox sat on the edge of his bed and looked deeply uncomfortable. The only sounds were JD's heavy breathing and the creaking of the bed as Dr Cox occasionally shifted uncomfortably.

Dr Cox sighed, "Listen Anna-Bell, I don't know what is wrong with you, but you have been acting off for a while now, you need to get your ass in gear and get over it."

_What the hell IS wrong with me, everything seems to be happening at once, first I keep waking up on my living room floor, then I can't remember some things and now the dreams... not to mention I have a crush on the man sitting next to me..._

"This is the second time I have had to send you home this week, get some sleep Newbie and sort yourself out."

JD was shocked, he was sure he was going to get ripped apart and even the older mans tone was softer than usual.

"What are you waiting for Lesley? Go!"

JD sprang out the bed and walked out the building, it looked like he really was going to have to take the bus this time, Turk was still on call and Sasha was still at Turks apartment from this morning.

_Public transport, it could be the most awkward experience of any ones life. Odds are you are going to lend up squashed into a complete stranger..._

The old woman JD was squashed up against wasn't too bad, she was kind of nice really. She gave him some candy and let him see her newspaper.

_Isn't it odd that old people always carry candy around with them..._

JD sucked in a breath. Somebody else had been murdered last night. Cameron Daniels. JD racked his brain, Cameron Daniels sounded vaguely familiar to him. It was frightening that a murder was still roaming around the area. The police had no leads.

And for that reason, JD was slightly jumpy as he walked the rest of the way to his apartment from the bus stop. It wasnt late, only about 8'o'clock, but it was still scary and JD was still exhausted so he wasn't moving as fast as usual.

He was extremely relieved when he reached his apartment, he flicked the lights on and put the door on dead lock.

_Better safe than sorry...._

---------

Macard grinned down at the newspaper in his hands. Cameron had deserved death. But now it was time to mess with Dorians head a little.

He had been keeping a close eye on the girly doctor through out the day and the idiot hadn't suspected a thing.

He had a little plan set up, he wanted Dorian to crack.

Dr Dorian was everything he wanted to be, happy and carefree and not to mention loved and talented

He needed to Dorian to suffer.

Well he decided not go to go with the obvious choice straight away, what would be the fun in that. He waited a couple of hours then picked up the phone.

-------

_Typical, at long last I was getting a decent sleep and the phone just has to ring..._

JD rolled out of bed and looked at the clock, it was 1am, he had been asleep for about 5 hours and he already felt a lot more awake, not to mention he was actually in his bed this time.

He sighed and walked over to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Dawn Hathaway....."

As sound as JD heard the man begin to speak, everything went black and he went into a deep sleep.

**AN- Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed! I shall update a lot faster this time. Review if you could please. (I will give you a virtual JD shaped cookie if you :D )**


	4. My Mouthwash

**Hey, Right, I have taken EmoBarbie's pledge so I have now PROMISED I am going to update at LEAST once a week. I can't always use school as an excuse after all. I will hopefully update every Wednesday and Sunday/Saturday if I can.**

**Okay, here is the shout outs!**

**Gracie Grapefruit - -blushes- Thankie :D Sorry for the torture though... You know what? You have been here from the start so here ...-gives jar of cookies- Thanks very much for following the story do far :D**

**ddamato - Thanks for your 3 reviews. LOL , I'm actually really surprised at how people reacted to the bit about Dawn, Sorry but it was always in the plan for her to....****But yeah that surprised me. I WILL update more :D ****Thanks again. **

**TolietFacilty - Yeah, I like to be different, I do love a good JDA fic, but there are too many good terminally ill JD and car accident fics for me to compete with :P Thankies for reviewing!**

**Spuffy57 - Thanks and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic!**

**Graffiti2DMyHeart - Again, I was worried people would hate dawn -laughs nervously- I feel kinda bad for ... well you know. Thanks very much for reviewing!**

**Thanks again to anyone who reviewed -Gives all cyber cookie- and also thanks to anyone who helped me out with my...slash issue.**

**Disclaimer - -sighs- Is there any point, you all know I don't own Scrubs....**

_I think everyone hates getting up in the mornings, unless your one of those freaky people who roll out of bed with a smile and a song. But I was confused, my alarm hadn't gone off, why I had I woken up?_

It was then that JD noticed his cell phone was ringing, he sighed and climbed out of bed.

_Wait a minute.. awesome, I slept on my bed today!_

"Hello?"

"Dude!, You have to come back to Sacred Heart, its chaos!"

"Huh... Why?"

JD wiped the sleep from his eyes and frowned when Turk seemed to pause to think of an answer.

"I don't think I should tell you over the phone JD, but you need to come down here, NOW!"

It was still dark outside and as JD looked at his clock that was perched on his dresser he saw that it was 4am. He groaned, he was destined to never get a decent night sleep.

"Okay, I will be there in 10 Turk."

He snapped his phone shut and went to his wardrobe. As he opened the door clothes spilled out of it and fell limply to the floor.

_I swear I sorted this out last weekend and why the hell is there a giant rope?_

Stranger things had happened to him so he dismissed it and grabbed a pear of jeans and a green shirt, leaving the clothes on the floor, Turk had sounded rather distressed and he wanted to get to Sacred Heart as soon as possible.

_Crap! Sasha is still at Turks!_

Desperate times call for desperate measures, he picked up his cell phone and called a cab. The cab was there in pretty good time, so he ran out, mumbled that he wanted to go to Sacred Heart to the rather gruff looking cab driver and off they went. The cab ride was...awkward and JD was relieved they reached Sacred Heart. He stuttered a thanks, handed the driver a 20 and ran towards the building.

_HOLY CRAP!_

Police were surrounding the building and it all just looked like utter chaos. He walked towards the entrance and was stopped by a tall policeman. It took him ten minutes to get passed him and JD was relieved that he had brought his licence with him.

The corridors were jam packed full of people, JD still had no idea what was going on, but he knew it had to be something big, and something scary. Maybe Dr Cox had had actually killed someone...

"JD! Thank God you are here! Did Turk tell you? No, he probably didn't at least not over the phone.. but oh JD it's horrible.."

Elliot had obviously been crying, her eyes were red and puffy and there were still tear trails running down her soft, pale cheeks. Blind panic started to settle in the centre of JD's chest. The situation had to be terrible, police, the crowd of pale people, the police not to mention that fact that Elliot was crying a river...

_No time for daydreams damn it!_

"What's going on?"

Before Elliot had a chance to open her mouth, Dr Cox walked up to them both, he was also looking pretty pale, which had JD extremely worried.

"Dr C.."

"Newbie, I think you had better come with me."

Perry's tone was a lot softer than usual, he put a hand on JD's shoulder and started pushing him forwards towards the elevators. Once they were both in JD decided he had, had enough of being left in the dark.

"Dr Cox, what the hell is going on?"

Dr Cox looked him straight in the eye, "Newbie... That patient you were fond of, well she w..."

No more had to be said, as soon as the doors opened JD sprinted towards Dawn room, he ignored Perry's yells of his name, he ignored the fact that Perry was chasing after him. He just knew he had to get to Dawn's room.

Police were positioned outside the room, Dr Cox had already warned them that he was bringing another doctor up, so they let JD past without a word, besides the guy looked so determined and terrified, they weren't going to make it worse for him.

JD climbed under the police tape and pushed through the doorway...

_As a doctor, you see many horrific things everyday. But nothing could of prepared me for this._

Bile rised up his throat as he took in the scene in front of him. The room had a river of red going from the bed to the window, but it wasn't the blood that made JD want to either pass out or throw up. The full of life teenager he had seen just hours before was...

He felt a large hand being placed lightly on his shoulder and it gave a small squeeze, but he was too numb to really notice that Dr Cox was comforting him. Dawn was meant to get better, she was going to get better... As he looked at her body it all clicked in JD's head in a horrifying flash of realisation. The police weren't here because Dawn had committed suicide, they were here because she had been murdered.

_When you get a very nasty shock most people faint, but I on the other hand..._

Cold sweat broke on his forehead, the feeling was growing and he knew it was going to happen soon. He pulled his shoulder away from the hand holding it and ran out the room, knowning that he was going to throw up.

Thankfully enough the police didn't stop him from leaving the room and the bathroom on the floor was pretty close.

He barely had time to lock the cubicle door before his stomach lost all of the food he had consumed that day. He heard the door open and he begged himself to stop, he didn't want to be embarrased on top of everything else. But his stomach ignored his pleas and he continued to retch.

When he had finally done, he got shakily to his feet and leaned against the cubicle wall, waiting for the person outside to leave, after ten minutes they didn't.

"Andrea, get your bulimic self out of there, the hospital's bathrooms have some really just darn nasty bugs, that I don't think your frail girly body could cope with."

The malice wasn't in Perry's voice, in fact his tone was still pretty soft, but JD was so embarrassed that he had heard him throw up. He waited a while and when he realised that Dr Cox just wasn't going to leave he hesitantly unlocked and opened the door.

Mouthwash was thrusted into JD's hands. JD nodded thanks and walked over to the sink. Hospital mouthwash isn't the best tasting thing ever and JD couldn't wait to go home and brush his teeth properly.

"Thanks."

"Newbie, Look, I'm sorry, I know you liked her and I have to admit she was a great kid..."

JD interrupted him, the question bursting from his lips, "Who did it, when?"

Normally Perry would of tore JD a new one for interrupting him, but he ignored it this time and answered the kids question, "We don't know, we heard a scream and when me and Gandhi got to the room, it was too late, the bastard must of climbed out the window."

Both stood in silence, JD attempting to get himself together and Dr Cox studying his protoge.

"Oh my... Newbella are you crying?", Dr Cox said concerned as he noticed the silent tears trailing down JD's face.

JD brought a hand to his face and felt the tears, he hadn't noticed he was crying. More embarrassment flooded through him, his patients had died before and he hadn't ever done this, granted they had never, well, died quite like Dawn had.

"Sorry Dr Cox, this is so embarrasing, you probably think I'm a total girl now.", JD looked everywere but at the older man standing in front of him.

_When you care about someone a lot, when it is needed (no matter how pessimistic or mean you are) you always know the right thing to say._

"You are a total girl, but crying doesn't make you more of one. Someone murdered your patient today, and knowing you, you probably feel some what guilty. I would be the exact same way Newbie, and truth be told I'm proud of the doctor you have become, heck, I'm proud of the person you have become. The fact you that you are feeling this grief, well, it shows you care."

JD was speechless, paralysed. Dr Cox had just complimented him, he was proud of him!?! If the mood hadn't been so low JD would have danced.

But what happened next left JD both stunned and over flowing with giddy happiness, the older man shrugged and pulled JD into a small hug, granted it didn't last long and Dr Cox left the bathroom straight afterwards, but JD didn't care, his dream had just came true.

The second he also left the bathroom however, he went back to his depressed mood. The police still questioning people and patrolling the building reminded him of the dark reason that he had went into the bathroom in the first place.

He wasn't on call and he wasn't needed for questioning seeing as he wasn't there when it had happened, but he stayed for a while. The hospital was so busy and a lot of the doctors were being questioned so he helped out, it kept his mind off things anyway.

"Hey JD, sorry I couldn't meet you earlier man, but we were really busy. Dude I am so sorry about your patient."

"It's okay Turk, it was a shock..."

"Do you want a ride home? Your scooters still at my place."

"That would be cool, if you wouldn't mind."

The two walked to the car in silence, the events of today running through JD's head like a movie stuck on repeat. Turk saw that his friend obviously wanted to just sit in silence, so e just concentrated on the now light road ahead.

They said their goodbyes and JD walked up to his apartment.

The first thing JD did was brush his teeth, the acidic vomit taste had being driving him mad.

He just couldn't believe it, someone had been murdered at Sacred Heart. MURDERED! It basically meant no one was safe anymore.

The second that, that thought had passed through JDs head was the second that the deadlock was put on the door, he just didn't feel safe enough anymore.

His shift started in about 5 hours, so he shrugged and decided to try and get some extra sleep. He frowned, when he laid down, something sharp had poked through the mattress. He sighed and got out of bed and lifted the mattress.

_HOLY SHIT! WHERE DID THAT KNIFE COME FROM AND WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON IT!?!_

_------------_

That had been amusing, Dorian had definitely been... "shaken up" by the girls death.

It was strange really, that Macard had grown to love hurting and confusing the man so fast after meeting him.

The only reason he had chosen Dorian was because he had just happened to be his doctor and he had just happened to have the most open mind in the hospital.

True, some would say getting rid of the girl was unnecessary, she hadn't done anything to him like the others had. But Macards motives had changed, the more he had learned about Dorian, the more he hated him. The man was happy, he had friends, a successful career - all things that he had never had.

And if Dorian had thought tonight had been bad... well .... soon, he's was to learn the true meaning of hell.

There was no need to have anyone killed today, he was going to stop and let Dorian stew.

-------------

**TBC on Sunday or Saturday - Hope you enjoyed**

**(I almost lost this chapter due to a laptop crash - thank god that Open Office has a document recovery thing.)**


	5. My Bittersweet Kiss

**Hey this is late for a number of reasons (my grans birthday, a boy situation, school tests, homework, laptop not saving my work), sorry about that, but sometimes that's what happens. I'm also going to put a small amount of lyrics at the start of each chapter (if I didn't, this would turn into a songfic as I love music!)Shout outs will be at the end.**

**Right I sent out emails to people and most replied that they did in fact want Slash :D Thanks to everyone who responded to the message!**

**Right so on the menu today we have, some slash mixed with swearing and to top it all off a nice piece of angst at the side.**

**Thank you very much kind people who reviewed - You keep me motivated.**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Scrubs, but I do own Season 1,2 and 3 on DVD. (I also don't own "Going Under",Evanescence does)**

**------------------**

_**Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
So I don't know what's real and what's not  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore**_

_HOLY SHIT! WHERE DID THAT KNIFE COME FROM AND WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON IT!?!_

The mattress dropped with a dull thud. Horror spread through JD's veins, like a poison, slowly taking him over. He wracked his brains for any rational answer as to why there would be a knife under his mattress, but he obviously didn't come up with one.

His mind started to piece the odd things that happened so far this week and he wasn't liking the outcome.

_Knife...Dawn....Blood... SHUT UP MIND YOUR NOT HELPING!_

It was official, JD had cracked. The hours passed quickly as JD stared at the wall, images of Dawn's lifeless body playing over and over, explanations to the knife, the dream and the blood running through his head.

Before he knew it, 5 hours had been and gone and as he was approaching his 6th hour of "thinking" he swore under his breath. He was late again and he really didn't need the bother that Dr Cox was going to give him about it. The option of calling in sick passed briefly through his head but he batted it down, what was the point? Dr Cox would just rant at him when he came back for his next shift.

JD sighed, took a quick shower and choked down enough toast to calm his churning stomach. With a pang of annoyance he realised that Sasha was still at Turks, it looked like he was again stuck with the bus.

Sitting on the bus was weird, due to his odd mood, he felt like everyone was judging him and he almost cried with relief when the doors opened. He winced when he saw that police were still surrounding the hospital, there weren't as many however.

He looked at his watch and grimaced, he was at least an hour and a half late.

_I definitely need to stay clear of Per... Oh the sick twisted irony_

The second he had stepped into the building, he had been met by the sight of Dr Cox. He hoped with all his might that the older doctor hadn't seen him, he gave an inward sigh as Dr Cox started walking towards him.

But when the older man reached him, he was pleasantly surprised, instead of a glare he got a slightly concerned look.

"Are you sure you don't want the day off Newbie."

JD paused and thought about it for a second and then replied, "I just want to work and forget."

Dr Cox nodded and while walking past the brunette, he gave him a light pat on the shoulder and a sympathetic smile.

_People pull through for you when you really need it and I was grateful to Dr Cox for not tearing me a new one, because, if I'm being honest I don't know if I would have been able to handle it._

As he walked past Dawn's old room JD paused. Police tape was still surrounding the room and JD guessed that forensic scientists were in there right now. He briefly wondered if the body had been moved yet.

He shuddered at the thought of Dawns broken body and dragged himself away from the room. JD grabbed his first clipboard from the nurses desk and sighed, today was going to be a long day.

-----

_I had only been on call for 3 hours and I already wanted to cry in a locked supply closet, today hadn't went well at all so far, I had to tell two patients that they were going to die and there was nothing we could do and Mrs Robertson a neat old lady who was getting a triple heart bi pas coded twice today and we couldn't bring her back the second time, not to mention most people had heard that it was my patient who was murdered so I have been getting annoying sympathetic looks all day and to top it all off, Dr Cox being nice to me had made my fricking man crush grow._

Carla and Elliot were sitting opposite to JD in the cafeteria both of them had trays in front of them, unlike JD who was sitting staring at the table.

"Bambi, what is up with you today? Your acting really weird and you actually walked into a door this morning.", Carla sighed, worried about JD's funny mood, she knew about Dawn, but she was sure it was more than that.

JD looked up her and grinned, "Sorry Carla, I haven't had a good day at all and I swear that door wasn't there yesterday..."

She dropped the subject but she didn't look at all convinced. In fact now that she thought about it, JD had been acting weird almost all week, ever since he got that patient who knocked him out. She made a mental note to speak to Perry and see if he had noticed anything...

Beeps filled the air and JD swore as he looked down at his pager, there was a code in room 103... that was his new patient. He got up from the table and sprinted out the cafeteria and ran towards the room, Carla and Elliot's eyes following him as he hurriedly left.

He picked up the defibulater pads and got ready to try and save another patients life.

-----

"DAMN IT!"

JD threw the pads away from himself and kicked over a tray, scalpels and other medical instruments clattered to the ground. The nurses cowered away in fear, but JD didn't care. This was so unfair.

As the nurses quietly left the room, JD continued to wreck it. After about five minutes he stopped and slid down the wall by the bed.

_You've lost it Dorian, You have totally snapped._

"Feel better Olivia?"

JD snorted, he knew the niceness wasn't going to last. "Am I meant to?"

Dr Cox shrugged and slid down the wall next to him.

"This is the second one in a row, maybe I'm not cut out for this..."

"Don't be stupid Newbie."

The anger grew in JD again, "Is that all you can say? Don't be stupid Newbie? Maybe your the one who is stupid for thinking I'm stupid about being a crap doctor! I'm serious, you were right when you teased me for not being able to keep ONE FUCKING PATIENT ALIVE!", JD had started off at a whisper and it gradually grew until he was all but screaming.

Dr Cox to admit he was kind of impressed at Newbies rant, but he was worried, Newbie wasn't himself, he hadn't been for a while. Maybe the death of that girl had effected him worse than he had first thought, but Perry had a feeling that Newbie hadn't been acting quite right for a few days now. He had been sent home at least twice this week. Something was wrong with the kid.

"Amy is something wrong? You have been a lot more hormonal lately, its nawt that time of the month is it?"

JD sighed and leaned harder against the wall and closed his eyes. Perry wouldn't understand but it was worth a try. "Have you ever felt like your responsible for something, and no matter what you do to try and convince yourself that your not,you just can't shift that feeling?"

Dr Cox frowned, "If your talking about that code just there, you tried your be..."

JD couldn't help but interrupt, "No it's not that.."

It all clicked in Perry's head, "Newbie, listen to me, Dawn was nawt your fault, it's not like you went to her room and murdered her."

_I wonder what he would say if I mentioned the knife to him... Not better not._

"Yeah, I know but, I just feel like I should have been there, maybe I could have saved her or..."

Perry did the only the only thing he could think of to shut up JD.

_I just died and went to heaven._

The kiss was gentle and tender and totally not what JD would have thought Dr Co.. Perry's kisses to be like, but before he had a chance to pull away and ask whether Perry was just kissing him to shut him up, he felt Perry's tongue poke against his lips, demanding entrance to his mouth. JD complied happily and moan against the older mans lips. Eventually his arms snaked up to grab Perry's curls and Perry's arms wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer.

JD broke away when he desperatly needed air and stared at Perry, "I didn't know you swung that w.."

Perry interrupted him with a look, "Your a girl, it doesn't count, tell whoever you want, I re-he-lly don't care."

The grin the brunette wore threatened to split his mouth, he would have pegged Perry to be one of those "lets keep it secret" types.

"Does this mean we are dating?"

Perry snorted, "Could you be more of a girl?"

JD grinned, "If that's what floats your boat."

He winced as the older man flicked his ear, "Bad Newbie, no teasing."

Dr Cox growled as his pager went off, "I have to go Mary, but I suggest you go take a nap on the on-call room, you look dead on your feet, I will see you later."

JD pretty much floated all the way to the on-call room.

-----------------

_JD was walking into Sacred Heart, he again had no control over his body and his mind felt light._

_People just ignored him, getting on with their own lives and jobs._

_He saw Dr Cox and hid behind a corner and waited until he went past._

_He continued on until he reached room 106._

_Dawn was sitting up in bed and she smiled at him._

_He wanted to smile back, but his numb body wouldn't let him._

_He felt himself reach into his pocket and pull out a knife. He screamed inwardly as he realised what was going to happen._

_He desperately tried to get his body to stop._

_"Doctor Dorian!?!"_

_He felt himself walk towards her, the knife raised. His inward screams mixed with hers._

JD woke up screaming.

The dream had confirmed his suspicions.

It wasn't a dream, it was a memory.

_OH MY GOD I'M A KILLING MACHINE!_

In his blind panic the only coherent thought he had was that he had to get away from here, not for his good, but for safety of everyone else, especially Perry, Turk, Carla and Elliot.

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt them.

He didn't know if he could live with himself anyway, knowing what he had done.

**TBC ASAP**

**Shout outs: TolietFacilty - Thankies for the compliment and reviewing. Yeah I sorta miss Dawn too.. :( oh and about the AU thing -shrugs- Isn't every fic AU?**

**bug0112 - Thanks for reviewing -hands Macard plushie- here you can stab that :D**

**Graffiti2DMyHeart - Thanks for review, LOL -hands cookie- You seem to like them.. Yeah I don't like Macard very much either.**

**Cornadopia - Wow thanks very much.. hope the wait was worth it, but I will try harder next time.**

**Well TTFN Ta Ta For Now!**


	6. My Inward Cries For Help

**Hey, I have been so busy (and sick) lately, so sorry I didn't update.**

**(To people in the UK) Hey what did you guys do for children in need? Me and my mate Brooke sat on the Subway for 8 Hours! We raised about £250 and our school raised about £750, Not bad eh?**

**Disclaimer - I own Scrubs (dun nun nunnn) Okay I kid, I don't own Scrubs, but a girl can dream- I also don't own the song at the beginning (I soo can't sing like a dude anyway..)**

**Oh and by the way, this one starts a little differently.**

* * *

_**I'm terrified of these four walls,**_

_**These iron bars can't hold my soul**_

_**And all I need is you,**_

_**Come please I'm calling,**_

_**And all I scream for you**_

"Where the hell is Fergie?" Perry had only left the kid in the on call room for an hour and he was gone. So far, no one had seen him and he was getting a little worried. He was annoyed at himself for being worried, he shouldn't care about Candy, but he did.

Dr Cox growled as he leaned against the nurses station, trust JD to turn him into a pansy. Maybe JD had freaked out because of the kiss and went home. "No", Perry murmured to himself, JD had seemed very eager. Damn it, why was he being such a girl!

"Are you still looking for Bambi, Dr Cox?"

Perry grunted a response and looked everywhere apart from at her.

Carla smiled knowingly and whipped out her pager, poised and ready to page JD.

She frowned ten minutes later however when she got no response, JD was supposed to still be on call, why wouldn't he answer?

She looked up and saw Perry was still standing near the counter, she noticed he was looking everywhere apart from at her. It was fun to watch Dr Cox squirm.

"Anyway, Dr Cox, did you have a nice chat with Bambi?" The Latino woman smiled evilly at the now visibly uncomfortable Perry.

Dr Cox glared, regretting telling JD that he didn't care who knew.

"What did h-"

"Nothing, It's just been a long time coming and I know everything." The nurses expression turned serious however, "If you hurt him, I will strangle you with your testicles. If he hurts you, the same will happen to him."

She smiled again, "So don't fight, or you will both end up looking like turkeys." (1)

Perry fought the urge to laugh at the just plain funny picture that the nurses words had created and walked away from the nurses station.

To continue the Newbie search.

_I'm usually pretty quick to trust people. That sometimes gets me into a lot of trouble, but still, I do it. It's just how my personality works. That's why the alien feeling of not being able to trust myself felt so... weird and scary._

_I felt like I was in one of those cheesy horror films, the ones where the main character has an uncontrollable dark side that nobody understands. They usually die in the end..._

_Through out my life, I had had many hard times, but I had never once even considered suicide, but then again, I had never considered murder either. Funny how your life can be totally ruined and changed in the span of around about half a week._

Thinking was the only thing JD could really do as he sat in the darkened bathroom, the cold, hard shower water hitting his fully clothed body painfully. A war was raging inside of him, his heart saying this was all a big misunderstanding, he wasn't capable of- well, but his brain said otherwise and after all Perry had always told him to trust his head-

_Actually, that probably wasn't Dr Cox, probably some corny movie. Yeah, Dr Cox so wouldn't-_

Thinking of Perry made JD's heart ache, he could never have him, he had wasted too much time. Again JD's life was turning out to be a big corny film, but this time a romance one. It was so cliche to get "the one" and then not be able to keep them.

_But honestly if my life were a film, it would definitely be "The Rocky Horror Show" right now._

"Dammit Janet!"

Perry Cox slammed his fist against the white wall of the ICU, nobody had seen or heard from JD for about 3 hours now. Gandhi had checked Newbies apartment, but either he wasn't in, or ignoring them.

He couldn't even be bothered to tell himself that he didn't care where Newbie was, there was just no point.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, "If your looking for Scooter, I saw him run out here... meh.. around 10 minutes ago."

Perry turned to face the tall man, "And why should I believe you lurch?"

The Janitor shrugged and turned away, going back to "mopping".

There was only one thing for it.

Perry walked out the building and towards his porche.

_"Kevvvvin! Where are you!"_

_Kevin whimpered as he tried to make himself as small as possible under the bed. Tears poured down his cheeks as he prayed that his father wouldn't find him._

_"There's no point hiding you little fucker!"_

_Kevin was only 8 years old and already his life seemed hopeless. He was useless at school, he was the "weird boy" in his class, he was bullied (By a boy called Joseph Nizbit and his gang) and his home life was well..._

_He winced as he felt strong arms pull him from his sanctuary and out into the coldness of his bedroom. His breath chocked in his throat as he sobbed, desperately trying to pull away from the arms of his attaker._

_".. don't." Kevin pleaded._

_The pleas went on deaf ears as his father started to punch him and drag him around the room, all the while cursing him and calling him useless._

_Kevin faintly wondered if his mother could hear this going on, she was probably to scared to do anything anyway. Everyone was scared of his father..._

_Kevin made the mistake of hitting his father back. He felt hands circling round his throat, constricting, making him gasp for breath. Just before he was going to be lost to the blissful darkness, the hands released him and he fell to the floor, panting for breath._

_His dad continued cursing him as he walked out the door and Kevin sat, curled in on himself, covered in numerous cuts and bruises, tears no longer falling. He was past just simply crying._

Macard shuddered at the memories.

When he was 14 years old, he had finally grown bored of the abuse and murdered his father with a pen the light leave his fathers eyes was pleasurable,he felt like it was messy and Macard barely got away with it, he decided that murdering like that -open with no alibi- was too risky, he would need a better plan of revenge.

He had spared his mother, she hadn't done anything wrong really and she had no idea that he had murdered his father. They drifted apart over the next few years,the grief finally killed her when Kevin was 17.

A few years later he had found hypnosis, he loved the idea of being able to control someone, to possess them.

He knew that his new talent would be how he would get his revenge on the people who had hurt him in the past.

Dorian was his first successful "experiment", he had not met anyone else with such an open mind, but of course, Dorian came with his challenges, the man's heart was just too- well nice and not capable of hurting a fly.

The pure niceness of the man, made Macard physically sick.

JD turned the shower off and climbed out of it with both his clothes and him totally soaked.

He looked at his razor and shock his head, he didn't deserve death, he had to suffer.

One thing he couldn't understand though, was why his subconscious would ever murder some. He had never ever had the urge to actually kill someone. He would never have thought himself even capable.

Being a murder was not the only thing JD thought about, thoughts of Perry, Turk, Carla and Elliot were flowing through his brain. Would they ever forgive him? He looked at his pager (almost destroyed from the water) and saw that he received ten from Perry, seven from Carla and four from both Elliot and Turk.

JD didn't anwser any however, he was a danger to them. But even so, JD wanted Perry to be here.

His mind was screaming for Dr Cox to come and save him.

All he wanted was Perry and he would be okay.

Perry waited in patiently at the bottom of JD's apartment block's elevator.

The damn thing was so slow.

He had looked outside and JD's lights were off, but he had a gut feeling the young man was in.

The elevator doors opened with a dull chime and he stepped in, anxious about what was going to happen next.

_All I need and want is Perry. I feel so alone here. But I can't have him, I'm dangerous, I don't want to put him in danger._

JD was knocked out his thoughts with a loud bang. In fact, loads of loud bangs.

"Newbie!"

"Newbie I know your in there!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Tears poured down JD's face. He couldn't help himself. He had to save Perry, he had to get him away from him.

"Dr Cox... Just go away."

"Newbie? What the hell?!"

"Just go!"

JD went and sat by the door, making sure the older doctor didn't just break in.

"Newb-"

JD sobbed, "For God sake just go... I'm dangerous."

On the other side of the door Perry froze. Dangerous?

"What are you on about?!"

"Newbie!"

Perry started hitting the door again when JD didn't answer.

"Perry.. It's my fault."

Perry rolled his eyes again, wishing he could look at the younger man, "No, it wasn't, we have been through this JD, just let me in."

"No, you don't understand Perry." Tears fell heavier down John's face.

"JD, for fuck sake."

"I killed her... I didn't mean to... I cant control my body anymore.... I'm dangerous."

Perry froze again "What are you on about Newbie?"

"I'm a murderer! I killed the people on the news! I killed Dawn!" JD turned hysterical and started hyperventilating.

Outside Perry remained silent.

_Fuck._

**TBC - Hopefully faster than last time.**


End file.
